I am running in slow motion today. My mind feels like a record player with its audio speed settings set too low. All my thoughts are stretched and drawn out. They are so slow that at times it seems as if they stop and come to a complete standstill at times. I catch myself staring off into space and losing track of time. Simple every day items and tasks that once took me mere seconds to carry out without a second thought, I’m now tripping over. It took me 10 minutes just to stuff a single envelope and the small fact that the billing address showed through the little window when I was done was a matter of great triumph to me.
I know I need to move, but every moment seems to take so much thought and so much concentration that I would rather just sit and stare and let the world move forward without me. My heart has come to a standstill. And if this is my heart right now, I can only imagine hers. As she goes home to stare at a beautiful empty crib, that has never been used. Stacks of diapers that will never be worn. Baby bottles and baby clothes that need to be cleaned for the very last time. My heart breaks as it can only imagine what she is going through and how dark her future must seem.
At least the weather today seems to be oddly appropriate with its torrential downpours that we have been experiencing along with its somber gray skies. There is some peace and consolation in the idea that the sun refuses to shine today as if a small piece of the world recognizes there has been a major upheaval within it and someone is missing from within it. The world may not notice, but I know you notice Father, you know, you care and collect all our tears. Even as the rain comes to mend the parched and cracked ground from this years hot and dry summer, so also the down pouring of our tears have also been sent by you and are working even now towards healing and mending our hearts.
Lord, you are a foundation that never moves, no matter how much our world shakes around us. You alone give us our stability. Strengthen us according to your word and allow the downpours to bring forth healing and new life in your due time instead of a flood of further destruction that sweeps so many others away in such circumstances. I praise you because it is you who keeps us steady and standing, and not our own strength. You alone sustain and carry the weak and weary providing us with shelter and rest in the midst of our storms.
They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” – Luke 6:48-49