I was scrolling through Facebook the other day and ran across a meme with lots of thumbs up and comments encouraging the idea that “self-love” is the key to loving others. This foolish and empty talk has continued to gain significant approval in social media. The prevailing message is that you cannot truly love others unless you first learn to love yourself. This belief suggests that self-love is the foundation upon which all other love is built, and is based on the small dose of truth that “you cannot give what you do not have.” However, while this notion is widespread and appealing, it stands in stark contrast to the biblical worldview, which asserts that true love flows not from within ourselves, but from God.
The concept of self-love, at its core, often leads to pride and self-centeredness. The world tells us that by focusing on ourselves—by prioritizing our own needs, desires, and well-being—we can better love others. However, this type of love is inherently conditional and ultimately temporary. It is rooted in our fluctuating emotions, circumstances, and perceptions of self-worth. When we base our love for others on the foundation of self-love, we set ourselves up for failure.
Scripture warns us of the dangers of pride and self-centeredness. In 2 Timothy 3:1-2, the Apostle Paul writes:
“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy…”
This passage shows that an excessive focus on self-love can lead to a myriad of other sins that distort our relationships with others. When our love is rooted in ourselves, it becomes conditional—based on how we feel, how others treat us, or how much we believe they deserve our love. Such love is fragile, easily shattered by disappointment, hurt, or unmet expectations.
Self-love can also foster an attitude of superiority. If our ability to love others is based on how well we love ourselves, it places us at the center of the equation, making our love conditional upon our self-perception. This leads to a subtle, yet dangerous, form of pride where we love others only insofar as it serves our own sense of worth and satisfaction. This love is transactional, not sacrificial; it is self-serving rather than self-giving.
The Bible teaches that our ability to love others does not originate from within ourselves but flows from the love of God. 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because he first loved us.” Our capacity to love others is rooted not in how much we love ourselves, but in the overwhelming, unconditional love that God has shown us through Jesus Christ. This love is transformative, drawing us out of ourselves and enabling us to love others selflessly. It is the love of God that is is the antithesis of the world’s version of love. Self-love is conditional, God’s love is unconditional. Self-love is self-centered, God’s love is others-centered. Self-love is temporary and fleeting, God’s love is eternal and unchanging. When we are anchored in God’s love, we do not need to focus on loving ourselves first, because His love fills us to overflowing, enabling us to love others with the same grace, mercy, and compassion that He has shown to us.
Philippians 2:3-4 exhorts us, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” This kind of love requires us to put others first, to seek their good above our own, and to love without expecting anything in return. It is a love that mirrors the love of Christ, who “did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mrk 10:45).
As believers, we must guard against the deception of empty words that elevate self-love to a place of prominence in our lives. Ephesians 5:6 warns, “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.” The idea that we must first love ourselves before we can love others is an example of such empty words—a subtle lie that shifts our focus away from God and onto ourselves. True love, the kind that reflects the heart of God, is not born out of self-love but out of a deep understanding of God’s love for us. It is a love that humbles us, strips us of our pride, and compels us to put others first. It is a love that is not dependent on how we feel about ourselves but is rooted in the unchanging truth of who God is and what He has done for us.
In a world that constantly urges us to look inward, let us instead look upward—to the cross, where the ultimate act of love was displayed. Let us draw from the infinite well of God’s love, allowing it to flow through us and into the lives of others. In doing so, we fulfill the greatest commandment: to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves.
